i went to sydney and lived my 2014 tumblr dream
The Icebergs, envy and all
Crashing ocean waves, smoothie bowls and temporary gold-traced tattoos. Photos of jumping off beach cliffs, The Icebergs and the summery sounds of Odesza. These logos are all I need to be taken back to 2014 when Tumblr reigned and Sydney was the destination of Australia. Living in Melbourne, I remember being all too envious of the people who lived up north and had an-hour-and-under access to alcoves and beaches that looked airbrushed and their saturation boosted. No doubt their homes were stocked up with frozen banana and berries to make oozing, gooey, dripping and overflowing smoothies in mason jars and colourful ceramic bowls. Some of them lived close enough to even take photos of said smoothie bowl at the beach before it melted to a loose, unappealing liquid. I believe my envy was valid because, well, in Melbourne, you had St Kilda beach (man-made sand and questionable seawater, mmm) or you’d drive a good 90 minutes or more to Torquay or Bell’s Beach (this was typically a day trip).
I think when you desire to be in a place this much when you’re 19 years old, your mind is left with an impression where when you actually travel to that place, you revert to the age at which you longed to go. The week prior to beginning the 10-hour drive, all my associations from 2014 with Sydney came gushing back. My thumbs impulsively tapped on Odesza’s In Return album, with additions of Jamie xx’s Girl and Loud Places, and I was suddenly transported back to my grandfather’s house, the place I lived at the time, where I obsessed over picking the whitest walls and corners which matched the aesthetic I desired to curate online the most. (At one point, I’d taken my whole-ass bedside table outside as it was the only white surface I had to take a flat-lay of my makeup – think Mac, Bobbi Brown, more Mac.) Curation was the epitome of this time; there was absolutely no shame in only sharing certain parts of your world, home and life. The catch was, we didn’t typically admit that it was just a snippet of our lives back then. We thrived over the thought that people would take our highlights and extrapolate that as our baseline.
This ‘pick and select’ culture and acting like everything is absolutely radiant and fine even when it’s not makes Sydney feel different when that outlook has since changed, ten years down the line. Where we believed that the bikini body was what made a person perfect, and that the tender smiles and splashes in the ocean were a reflection of the true happiness that person felt unceasingly, we no longer let the one photo we see dictate our grasp of the full range of moments a person experiences; we know now this is what they’ve chosen to share. This universal knowing, though conscious in our minds, and which can still be subconsciously overrun if we’re on socials too much, is what started to create some conflict in my mind about my expectations for this trip.
I was going to Sydney with my partner to have a break, to relax after finishing a book I’d been working on for two years, and celebrate the week after my 30th birthday. All the while, I could feel the 2014 version of me within me. She was excited; she was thrilled to come out and finally dip her toes in the sea baths and the salty pools she’d seen as they scrolled on down Tumblr’s navy background. I had no doubt that I was setting myself up for disappointment, but I was also mildly entertained and curious about how this would all go, so I let the 2014-esque anticipation in my mind continue.
Would The Icebergs retain their grand aura they had evoked from the screen back in 2014? Would the place have moved on from acai and smoothie bowls? Were the beaches as beautiful as they looked in @[usernamenolongerexist]’s photos?
First, an unserious observation on acai. It was interesting to see acai advertised almost everywhere. I feel like Melbourne had a hype craze with it and then we overdosed and had to move on to kombucha and kefir and gut foods assorted. You do see the odd advertisement for acai now, but it’s almost become a relic of 2014 that seeing one at a cafe almost feels like a bid to connect with a younger clientele. This is no hate – this is coming from someone who makes her own acai bowls still today because I just really like them.
Now for The Icebergs.
Seeing The Icebergs, it really felt like I fulfilled my desire to see them in real life, and I was not disappointed. The sun was high, the turquoise pool gleaming and the ocean playful. What occurred within me as my eyes took it all in, however, was this: a slight sadness settled in. Being at the viewpoint, I could feel two different versions of me colliding, each of them experiencing the moment at the same time.
2014 version of me felt fuller because she was there. Almost like being there made her mean more. And this was a sad thing to notice. She couldn’t wait to post a photo online so others would view her differently because of it. 2024 me couldn’t pull my eyes away from the view because it was stunning, but it was more a reflective moment for her. Of how things have changed, how I had changed, and just the sheer path I travelled in time and challenges all the way to the point of standing there. And while 2024 me did post about The Icebergs, it wasn’t to make up for the insecurity and self-disbelief that controlled my posting in 2014.
Whether these reflections came from the small amounts of wisdom one gains as they age, or from the culture shifting and that inherently influencing my thinking, I’m not sure. It could be both.
I don’t really know why I felt like writing this piece because I don’t have much else to say about this other than if there’s anyone else out there who might relate, you’re not alone. It’s sad to think of the struggles on outside perception we faced as adolescents and how much importance we placed on external validation.
My visit to The Icebergs ended up being a sobering moment of reflection. It caused me to think about change in culture, our own personal paths and journeys. Whilst I lived out my Tumblr dream going to Sydney, I didn’t have the experience 2014 me thought I would one day have (a raging Tumblr summer), but perhaps just the one I needed.
